The Daily Nasruddin | Mullah Nasruddin Books by Ron J. Suresha

Free haircut

Categories: From the book Extraordinary Adventures, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, excerpts, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes, Nasruddin stories

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Published on: March 24, 2014

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

Free haircut

Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Nasruddin entered a barbershop, followed by a young boy. Nasruddin told the barber that he was in a hurry and wanted to get his haircut first. The barber readily agreed and proceeded to give Nasruddin a fine haircut and beard trim. Nasruddin checked his hair, replaced his turban, told the barber he would be back soon, and left.

The boy hopped into the barber chair, and the barber cut the boy’s hair. After he was done, the boy got out of the chair and started to leave. The barber stopped him and said, “But where is your father? He said he’d be right back, and now he’s late.”

“Father?” said the boy. “That man’s not my father. He’s just some guy I met on the street outside who told me to come in with him for a free haircut!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

You know what they say about assumptions.

Since most stories depict the Mullah as bald, this story must have taken place before it all fell out. He was a rascal, even then.

Exactly what I would have done

by rjs

Categories: From the book Extraordinary Adventures, Mullah Nasruddin art, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, excerpts, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, fatima, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes, Nasruddin stories

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Published on: March 17, 2014

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

Exactly what I would have done

Mullah Nasruddin

When Nasruddin was newly married, just on the third night, Nasruddin dreamt that he was swimming deep in a vast ocean. It was a happy dream until he woke up to realize that he’d wet the bed.

Of course, he was embarrassed but was unsure quite how to tell his wife, Fatima, snoring fast asleep next to him. So Nasruddin arranged his blanket partly over the damp spot and then lay back down, pretending to be asleep.

After a minute, he bolted upright with a shout, “Arghhh! Dear Allah, save me!”

Fatima awoke and turned her head to look at her husband. “What’s the matter, Nasruddin?”

The trembling and visibly shaken Mullah replied, “Fatima! Wife, you have no idea what sort of horrifying nightmare I’ve just had!”

She asked, “What did you dream?”

“I saw three tall minarets, one set right above the next, and atop the third minaret was an egg, and on that egg was a needle, and on that needle balanced a covered table, and at that table I had to eat my dinner!”

Fatima gasped, “God! How terrifying! What a predicament! My poor husband!”

Nasruddin replied calmly, “You can’t imagine how shocked I was!”

Fatima sympathized, “I can only imagine, dear husband. You must have been frightened beyond belief. Out of sheer fear, I would have soiled the bed, or worse!”

“Indeed,” Nasruddin readily agreed, “that is exactly what I would’ve done myself!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

It’s terrifying to imagine the heights to which some people will go will to cover their infantile behavior.

Only two sides of the river

by rjs

Categories: From the book Extraordinary Adventures, From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, excerpts, Extraordinary Adventures, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes

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Published on: February 7, 2014

A Mullah Nasruddin story

Only two sides of the river

Mullah Nasruddin

One sunny afternoon Mullah Nasruddin was sitting quietly on a riverbank near Lake Aksehir when someone approached the river from the opposite side. After looking around a bit, the fellow noticed Nasreddin and shouted out, “Hey there! Excuse me — please tell me, how do I get across?”

Without getting up, Nasruddin shouted back, “You are across!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

Most times, you’re already right where you need to be, but just don’t recognize it.

Later than You Think

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, excerpts, hafiza, ismael, nasruddin, Nasruddin stories, sedat

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Published on: August 4, 2013

Later than You Think

Deciding for once to fast all thirty days of the month of Ramadan, Nasruddin devised a method to keep track of the days. Every day he put a pebble in a pot, figuring that when the time was up, he’d just count the pebbles.

Unknown to Nasruddin, his little daughter, Hafiza, noticed his daily habit of putting a pebble in the pot. To be helpful, she went around the garden and collected lots and lots of rocks, and added one or many to the collection whenever she liked.

Two weeks later, the Mullah’s friends Sedat and Ismail stopped by and asked him how many days remained in the fasting month. Nasruddin emptied his pot and counted the stones, then hesitantly returned with the information: “It seems that forty-nine days have passed.”

“How can that be? There are only thirty days in a month!” said Sedat.

“I’m not exaggerating in the least,” Nasruddin asserted. “In fact, I was being conservative in stating that number. It is actually much later than you think. Truth is, today is the one hundred and forty-ninth day of Ramadan!”

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero.

Your Daily Nasruddin

Another popular Nasrudding story. The premise is that the young girl accidentally – but playfully – tries to help her Papa by adding more pebbles to the pot, without her father being any wiser for the matter. Note that Nasruddin actually admits to lying the first time he recounted the pebble count.

Predicting a Contrarian

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: ahmet, commentary, fatima, hayat, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes

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Published on: August 2, 2013

Predicting a Contrarian

Once Nasruddin was talking with some friends when his son, Ahmet, came running and told him that his mother-in-law Hayat had fallen in the river. Nasruddin sighed and turned to go upriver.

His friends stopped him, saying, “Nasruddin, if your mother-in-law fell in the water in that direction, shouldn’t you head downstream to rescue her?”

Nasruddin replied, “Listen, I know my wife’s mother, and Hayat is undoubtedly the most contrary person on the face of this earth. If the usual place to look for most people is downstream, then the best place to look for her is upstream.”

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

Nasruddin’s contrary nature guides him in understanding his mother-in-law’s behavior. In some versions of the story, Nasruddin is called on to rescue his wife (for which the mother-in-law serves as surrogate).

As Strong as He Ever Was

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, excerpts, hamza, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes, Nasruddin stories, teahouse

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Published on: February 18, 2013

As Strong as He Ever Was

There is no difference between my youth and old age!” declared Nasruddin at the teahouse one day. “I’m just as strong as I was twenty years ago.”

“Is that so‽” Hamza replied, always willing to challenge the Mullah on his boasting. “This is a boulder in the city garden that most men couldn’t even budge. If you are indeed as fit as a man of half your age, let’s see you pick it up.”

Hamza led Nasruddin, with the rest of the men trailing behind, to the rock. The Mullah glanced at it casually and said, “That is nothing. I could lift it now just as easily as I could when I was a young man.”

Hamza said, “Have at it, Nasruddin. Let’s see you move it so much as an inch.”

“Fine,” said Nasruddin. He spat on his hands and braced himself to raise the rock.

He heaved, and he huffed, and he hacked, but the rock showed no signs of locating to a new address. After some minutes of this embarrassed exertion, Nasruddin staggered back, sweating and panting, his face flushed.

“Nasruddin, you said you could have hoisted up the rock with the sheer strength of your youth, which has not diminished with the years,” Hamza commented. “Apparently those were empty words!”

“You cannot accuse me of deceptive boasting. Truth is,” Nasruddin admitted, “twenty years ago I couldn’t have lifted that huge rock, either.”

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

The vigor and stamina of our youth soon enough fades, but the memory of what strength we actually possessed disappears even faster.

God’s Way, or Mortal’s Way?

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, excerpts, nasruddin, Nasruddin stories, süleyman

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Published on: January 30, 2013

God’s Way, or Mortal’s Way?

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

Süleyman, the walnut seller, was furious at first when he arrived at his vendor stall, but when the kids described Nasruddin’s fall, Süleyman laughed along, and everyone helped Nasruddin collect the nuts and put the stand in order. Nasruddin even bought a bag of walnuts to placate Süleyman, for the kids to share.

“Children, I will give you all the walnuts in this bag. But tell me first — how do you want me to divide them: God’s way, or mortal’s way?”

“God’s way,” the four boys chimed together as one.

Mullah opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to the first boy, one handful to the next boy, just two walnuts to the third boy, and none at all to the last!

All the children were baffled, but the fourth boy pouted and complained, “What sort of distribution is this?”

“This is God’s way of distributing gifts among his children. Some will get lots, some will get a fair amount, and nothing at all to others. Now, had you asked me to divide the nuts by the usual mortal’s way, I would have handed out an equal amount to everybody.”

. . . to be continued . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

One of the most popular Nasreddin jokes around, one that my Guru relishes telling, and another fine example of how Nasruddin makes the illogical seem obvious.

The Mullah here shifts from being a fool riding backward who fell on his ass to being the teacher.

Contrary to our boundless expectations, you’d think God would be fairer. Not so much, actually.

God is randomness and chaos just as much as harmony and balance.

And I know for sure that the Mullah ended up giving the boys more nuts.

A Perfectly Good Reason to Fall

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, donkey tales, excerpts, karakacan, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes, Nasruddin stories, süleyman

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Published on: January 28, 2013

A Perfectly Good Reason to Fall

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

By the time the donkey seemed to be slowing down, Nasruddin’s turban was nearly dragging the ground, and he knew he would lose it if he didn’t try to catch it from slipping off his head. So cautiously Nasruddin took one hand off the donkey and, as he was trying to grab the end of his turban, he lost his balance and tumbled off to the left, landing with a resounding crash right into a market stand of walnuts, scattering the nuts for yards around.

Some small boys nearby clustered around the walnut stand, laughing and pointing at Nasruddin, who appeared dazed, but unhurt.

“Why do you laugh?” Nasruddin snarled. “Before I was on the floor, and once again as you can see I am on the very same floor. In Allah’s name, tell me: what’s so funny?!”

As Nasruddin slowly picked himself off the ground, he almost lost his footing as he stepped on the walnuts clattering about him, which caused the kids to almost split their sides all over again. They laughed until finally Nasruddin stood up fully, rubbing his rear. “That’s quite enough!” roared Nasruddin, silencing the peals of laughter. “Don’t get carried away with the idea, now!”

Nasruddin composed himself as he tried to regain his dignity, saying, “Clearly you never considered that I might have had a perfectly good reason to fall.” The doubtful kids could hardly contain their sniggering, as Nasruddin dusted himself off, straightened his coat, and rewrapped his turban. Süleyman, the walnut seller, who had been at the other end of the market and heard the commotion, came into view.

“Besides,” Nasruddin said to the kids as he started quickly gathering walnuts that had scattered everywhere, “I was going to get off anyway, sooner or later.”

. . . story continued here . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

Another example of how Nasruddin makes the inevitable seem impossible at times.

Of course, we had all along planned to get down off our high horse (or donkey, &c), even as we were riding high, moving forward, and enjoying the view. Now what I didn’t expect was to have been thrown off the beast so soon!

Don’t Ask Me — Ask the Donkey

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: ahmet, commentary, donkey tales, excerpts, karakacan, mehmet, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes, Nasruddin stories

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Published on: January 26, 2013

Don’t Ask Me — Ask the Donkey

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

Nasruddin rode his little grey donkey, Karakacan, sitting backward as usual, facing his students.

As he was about to make a point, suddenly there was a series of loud pops and bangs — one of the boys, Mehmet, had set off firecrackers! The frightened donkey bolted with Nasruddin clinging to its backside and the kids running behind them, laughing and yelling. As the terrorized donkey galloped into the village, the Mullah held on for dear life. His turban came undone, but he dare not take one hand off to tuck it back in.

By the time the donkey entered the market with Nasruddin bouncing and bumping on its rear end, shouting for it to stop, his turban waving like a long banner from his bald head, and the kids shrieking as they followed, the whole market turned to witness the spectacle and laugh.

Nasruddin’s son, Ahmet, saw him riding backward at full donkey speed and called out, “Oh Father, you are going ass-backward!”

Nasruddin called out to Ahmet, between bumps, “It’s not me . . . that’s sitting on . . . my donkey backward . . . it’s the donkey . . . that’s facing . . . the wrong way!”

The donkey kept running in circles, but Nasruddin could not get it to stop. On their next circling around the market square, someone yelled, “Hey Nasruddin, where are you going in such a hurry?”

Nasruddin yelled back, in a shaken, desperate voice, “Don’t ask me — ask my donkey!”

. . . to be continued . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

This story is classic Nasruddin, riding backward on his donkey (or a horse in certain versions). Asked why he travels backward, Nasruddin will deny that it is he who is facing the wrong direction. Asked where he is destined, Nasruddin can only reply, “Don’t ask me, ask the donkey.” And in all honesty, the Mullah does not know where he is headed, so the most logical (though still incredibly foolish) response is to refer the questioner to the animal who is wildly dragging the man behind him throughout the marketplace.

Why Nasruddin Rode His Donkey Backward

by rjs

Categories: From the book Uncommon Sense, The Daily Nasruddin

Tags: commentary, donkey tales, excerpts, ismail, karakacan, nasruddin, Nasruddin jokes, Nasruddin stories, nuri

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Published on: January 23, 2013

Why Nasruddin Rode His Donkey Backward

One morning, Nasruddin was leading his donkey out from the stable, on his way to teach at the school, for that is another one of the things that Nasruddin did for work in those days. Seeing Nasruddin appear on the street, some young students approached him to ask whether they might instruct them and hear their lessons. Nasruddin readily agreed, and invited them to the schoolhouse.

Nasruddin mounted his donkey from the left, put his right foot in the stirrup, and heaved himself up. Naturally this put him facing backward toward the ass’s rear. As they set off, Nasruddin commented, “Remember, kids: a donkey of your own is better than a shared thoroughbred mare.”

As they walked on, Nuri asked why the Mullah mounted his donkey that way.

Nasruddin said, “Because, my child, the donkey is left-handed.”

Ismail objected, “But Mullah, donkeys don’t have hands.”

Nasruddin replied, “Well, left-footed, then,” then nudged Karakacan with a shout — “Ugh-r-r-r,” which, as you might happen to know, is Turkish for “Giddyap!” — and a shove.

“In any case,” Nasruddin continued speaking to the students, “what usually happens is that I want to go in one direction, and this stubborn beast wants to go in the exact opposite way. So this is our compromise.”

. . . to be continued . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

There are few Nasruddin stories as iconic as this one, yet there is no one standard telling for this most basic of Nasruddin jokes. Usually this is explicated before the Hoca’s students, but sometimes villagers or strangers will ask the same question of the Mullah, “Nasruddin — where are you going?”

Several reasons for Nasruddin’s unconventional way of mounting, then riding, his little grey donkey (sometimes it’s a horse) are given among story variants. The most popular reasons are:

~ I mounted the horse this way (backward) because the horse is left-footed (or left-hooved).

~ I’m not the one facing the wrong way — it’s the donkey!

~ The animal and I want to go in opposite directions, so this is our compromise.

~ If I ride my donkey facing backward, I can face my students as they follow me and ask their endless questions.

~ Don’t ask me — ask the beast!

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