At Least One of Them

A Naughty Nasreddin story

At Least One of Them

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Nasreddin went out hunting and shot two quails. He brought them to his wife and told her to prepare the fowls, because he wanted to invite his wealthy friend Aslan to dinner to impress him.

So Fatima took the birds, and she plucked and prepared them. As she was roasting the quails, the smell was irresistibly delicious. Since Fatima had very little self-control, she could not stop herself from tasting the quail to make sure it was just as delectable as it smelled — just a little piece, so that Nasreddin would never notice. So she tasted the quail, and tasted it again, and again, until she finally had eaten both quails. When she realized what she had done, she became very upset and did not know at first what she should do.

At noon, when the two men arrived, Fatima called Nasruddin aside. She gave her husband a knife and asked him to grind it so that she could cut the bread, which he proceeded to do.

Meanwhile she went to Aslan and whispered to him, “Just thought I ought to warn you. My husband has a very bad habit. Every time he invites someone to dinner, he cuts off the ears of the guest. Can’t you see how keenly he sharpens his knife over there?”

“God save me!” Aslan yelped with fear and quickly ran out the door.

Fatima immediately went to the kitchen to grab the empty platter, then rushed to her husband still grinding the blade of his knife, and shrieked, “Hoca, your friend has stolen the two quails and gone!”

Immediately Nasreddin ran out into the street after his friend brandishing the knife in his hand, crying out, ‘Please, please, my friend, be fair: at least, let me have just one of them! Only one will be plenty!”

Aslan looked back, saw the huge knife in Nasreddin’s hand, and then ran away even faster, shouting back, “If you can catch me, then you will undoubtedly have both!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming Naughty Adventures of Nasreddin.

 

Sources

AaTh 1741. Marzolph 572.

“Immortal Mullah Nasruddin” new audiobook — YouTube sampler

by rjs
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Published on: August 28, 2013
“Immortal Mullah Nasruddin” new audiobook — YouTube sampler


  The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin

by Ron J. Suresha

Narrated by Ted Brooks: http://tedbrookssound.com/

Ted Brooks Sound logo
Ted Brooks Sound logo

Listen to a free audio sample and order the audiobook now.

Immortal Mullah Nasruddin on Audible.com audiobook
Immortal Mullah Nasruddin on Audible.com audiobook

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

  • UNABRIDGED
Regular Price :$19.95

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero, the award-winning 2011 story collection from Lethe Press, is now available as an audiobook from Audible.

Narrated by professional voice talent Ted Brooks, this new unabridged recording of hundreds of Mullah stories and jokes will have you smiling in the wink of a donkey’s eye and keep you laughing for hours!

Order the audiobook of Immortal Mullah Nasruddin from Audible.com now.

Later than You Think

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Published on: August 4, 2013

Later than You Think

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah NasruddinDeciding for once to fast all thirty days of the month of Ramadan, Nasruddin devised a method to keep track of the days. Every day he put a pebble in a pot, figuring that when the time was up, he’d just count the pebbles.

Unknown to Nasruddin, his little daughter, Hafiza, noticed his daily habit of putting a pebble in the pot. To be helpful, she went around the garden and collected lots and lots of rocks, and added one or many to the collection whenever she liked.

Two weeks later, the Mullah’s friends Sedat and Ismail stopped by and asked him how many days remained in the fasting month. Nasruddin emptied his pot and counted the stones, then hesitantly returned with the information: “It seems that forty-nine days have passed.”

“How can that be? There are only thirty days in a month!” said Sedat.

“I’m not exaggerating in the least,” Nasruddin asserted. “In fact, I was being conservative in stating that number. It is actually much later than you think. Truth is, today is the one hundred and forty-ninth day of Ramadan!”

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero.

Your Daily Nasruddin

Another popular Nasrudding story. The premise is that the young girl accidentally – but playfully – tries to help her Papa by adding more pebbles to the pot, without her father being any wiser for the matter. Note that Nasruddin actually admits to lying the first time he recounted the pebble count.

Predicting a Contrarian

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Published on: August 2, 2013

Predicting a Contrarian

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah NasruddinOnce Nasruddin was talking with some friends when his son, Ahmet, came running and told him that his mother-in-law Hayat had fallen in the river. Nasruddin sighed and turned to go upriver.

His friends stopped him, saying, “Nasruddin, if your mother-in-law fell in the water in that direction, shouldn’t you head downstream to rescue her?”

Nasruddin replied, “Listen, I know my wife’s mother, and Hayat is undoubtedly the most contrary person on the face of this earth. If the usual place to look for most people is downstream, then the best place to look for her is upstream.”

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

Your Daily Nasruddin

Nasruddin’s contrary nature guides him in understanding his mother-in-law’s behavior. In some versions of the story, Nasruddin is called on to rescue his wife (for which the mother-in-law serves as surrogate).

Nasreddin Hoca Bibliography

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Published on: August 2, 2013

As Strong as He Ever Was

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Published on: February 18, 2013

As Strong as He Ever Was

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah NasruddinThere is no difference between my youth and old age!” declared Nasruddin at the teahouse one day. “I’m just as strong as I was twenty years ago.”

“Is that so‽” Hamza replied, always willing to challenge the Mullah on his boasting. “This is a boulder in the city garden that most men couldn’t even budge. If you are indeed as fit as a man of half your age, let’s see you pick it up.”

Hamza led Nasruddin, with the rest of the men trailing behind, to the rock. The Mullah glanced at it casually and said, “That is nothing. I could lift it now just as easily as I could when I was a young man.”

Hamza said, “Have at it, Nasruddin. Let’s see you move it so much as an inch.”

“Fine,” said Nasruddin. He spat on his hands and braced himself to raise the rock.

He heaved, and he huffed, and he hacked, but the rock showed no signs of locating to a new address. After some minutes of this embarrassed exertion, Nasruddin staggered back, sweating and panting, his face flushed.

“Nasruddin, you said you could have hoisted up the rock with the sheer strength of your youth, which has not diminished with the years,” Hamza commented. “Apparently those were empty words!”

“You cannot accuse me of deceptive boasting. Truth is,” Nasruddin admitted, “twenty years ago I couldn’t have lifted that huge rock, either.”

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

 

Your Daily Nasruddin

The vigor and stamina of our youth soon enough fades, but the memory of what strength we actually possessed disappears even faster.

 

I Knew You Back When

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Published on: February 9, 2013

I Knew You Back When

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah NasruddinAs the kids were leaving the market, Nasruddin called out after them, “When I was a young man, you should have seen me ride! I was a master donkey jockey, known throughout all of—”

But the boys weren’t listening and Süleyman’s angry glare cut him short. Nasruddin offered a quick, quiet salaam to Süleyman. Still sore and limping slightly from his fall, Nasruddin beat a hasty retreat.

“Utter nonsense, Nasruddin,” he muttered to himself as he hobbled away, “You’re not kidding anybody. I know how you were in your youth, and you were just the same.”

. . . to be continued . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

God’s Way, or Mortal’s Way?

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Published on: January 30, 2013

God’s Way, or Mortal’s Way?

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

Süleyman, the walnut seller, was furious at first when he arrived at his vendor stall, but when the kids described Nasruddin’s fall, Süleyman laughed along, and everyone helped Nasruddin collect the nuts and put the stand in order. Nasruddin even bought a bag of walnuts to placate Süleyman, for the kids to share.

“Children, I will give you all the walnuts in this bag. But tell me first — how do you want me to divide them: God’s way, or mortal’s way?”

“God’s way,” the four boys chimed together as one.

Mullah opened the bag and gave two handfuls of walnuts to the first boy, one handful to the next boy, just two walnuts to the third boy, and none at all to the last!

All the children were baffled, but the fourth boy pouted and complained, “What sort of distribution is this?”

“This is God’s way of distributing gifts among his children. Some will get lots, some will get a fair amount, and nothing at all to others. Now, had you asked me to divide the nuts by the usual mortal’s way, I would have handed out an equal amount to everybody.”

. . . to be continued . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

 

Your Daily Nasruddin

One of the most popular Nasreddin jokes around, one that my Guru relishes telling, and another fine example of how Nasruddin makes the illogical seem obvious.

The Mullah here shifts from being a fool riding backward who fell on his ass to being the teacher.

Contrary to our boundless expectations, you’d think God would be fairer. Not so much, actually.

God is randomness and chaos just as much as harmony and balance.

And I know for sure that the Mullah ended up giving the boys more nuts.

A Perfectly Good Reason to Fall

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Published on: January 28, 2013

A Perfectly Good Reason to Fall

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

By the time the donkey seemed to be slowing down, Nasruddin’s turban was nearly dragging the ground, and he knew he would lose it if he didn’t try to catch it from slipping off his head. So cautiously Nasruddin took one hand off the donkey and, as he was trying to grab the end of his turban, he lost his balance and tumbled off to the left, landing with a resounding crash right into a market stand of walnuts, scattering the nuts for yards around.

Some small boys nearby clustered around the walnut stand, laughing and pointing at Nasruddin, who appeared dazed, but unhurt.

“Why do you laugh?” Nasruddin snarled. “Before I was on the floor, and once again as you can see I am on the very same floor. In Allah’s name, tell me: what’s so funny?!”

As Nasruddin slowly picked himself off the ground, he almost lost his footing as he stepped on the walnuts clattering about him, which caused the kids to almost split their sides all over again. They laughed until finally Nasruddin stood up fully, rubbing his rear. “That’s quite enough!” roared Nasruddin, silencing the peals of laughter. “Don’t get carried away with the idea, now!”

Nasruddin composed himself as he tried to regain his dignity, saying, “Clearly you never considered that I might have had a perfectly good reason to fall.” The doubtful kids could hardly contain their sniggering, as Nasruddin dusted himself off, straightened his coat, and rewrapped his turban. Süleyman, the walnut seller, who had been at the other end of the market and heard the commotion, came into view.

“Besides,” Nasruddin said to the kids as he started quickly gathering walnuts that had scattered everywhere, “I was going to get off anyway, sooner or later.”

. . .  story continued here . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

 

 

 

Your Daily Nasruddin

Another example of how Nasruddin makes the inevitable seem impossible at times.

Of course, we had all along planned to get down off our high horse (or donkey, &c), even as we were riding high, moving forward, and enjoying the view. Now what I didn’t expect was to have been thrown off the beast so soon!

Don’t Ask Me — Ask the Donkey

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Published on: January 26, 2013

Don’t Ask Me — Ask the Donkey

. . . continued from previous entry. . .

The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah NasruddinNasruddin rode his little grey donkey, Karakacan, sitting backward as usual, facing his students.

As he was about to make a point, suddenly there was a series of loud pops and bangs — one of the boys, Mehmet, had set off firecrackers! The frightened donkey bolted with Nasruddin clinging to its backside and the kids running behind them, laughing and yelling. As the terrorized donkey galloped into the village, the Mullah held on for dear life. His turban came undone, but he dare not take one hand off to tuck it back in.

By the time the donkey entered the market with Nasruddin bouncing and bumping on its rear end, shouting for it to stop, his turban waving like a long banner from his bald head, and the kids shrieking as they followed, the whole market turned to witness the spectacle and laugh.

Nasruddin’s son, Ahmet, saw him riding backward at full donkey speed and called out, “Oh Father, you are going ass-backward!”

Nasruddin called out to Ahmet, between bumps, “It’s not me . . . that’s sitting on . . . my donkey backward . . . it’s the donkey . . . that’s facing . . . the wrong way!”

The donkey kept running in circles, but Nasruddin could not get it to stop. On their next circling around the market square, someone yelled, “Hey Nasruddin, where are you going in such a hurry?”

Nasruddin yelled back, in a shaken, desperate voice, “Don’t ask me — ask my donkey!”

. . . to be continued . . .

Excerpted from The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin: Stories, Jests, and Donkey Tales of the Beloved Persian Folk Hero

 

 

 

Your Daily Nasruddin

This story is classic Nasruddin, riding backward on his donkey (or a horse in certain versions). Asked why he travels backward, Nasruddin will deny that it is he who is facing the wrong direction. Asked where he is destined, Nasruddin can only reply, “Don’t ask me, ask the donkey.” And in all honesty, the Mullah does not know where he is headed, so the most logical (though still incredibly foolish) response is to refer the questioner to the animal who is wildly dragging the man behind him throughout the marketplace.

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