Stuck in the mud

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Stuck in the mud

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Nasruddin came home and said to Fatima, “My dear, why don’t you cook a nice pilaf. I feel very good today. Let’s have a nice evening.”

Fatima made a lovely pilaf for dinner, which they enjoyed greatly. After they cleaned up and were getting ready for bed, there was a knock at the door. Fatima answered it and discovered her neighbor, Setare, standing there, anxious to gossip about the news of the day.

“Our donkey had twins this morning,” shared Setare, walking right in. “But one of the little ones was born without a tail or ears. It seems so peculiar.” The women continued chatting for a while about this and that, and eventually the neighbor left.

When Fatima returned to bed, Nasruddin asked, “So what’s up with our neighbors, Setare and Hussein?”

Fatima replied, “Oh, don’t even ask. Their jenny-mule had twins this morning, but one of the little donkeys was born without a tail or ears. How weird.”

Hearing this, the Mullah became enraged, growling, “Oh, that’s just fucking lovely. Maybe twice a year, we decide to have a pleasant evening together — and then the neighbor’s donkey gives birth to twins, and it’s all ruined!”

“Mullah, calm down,” said Fatima, “it’s hardly of any consequence. Why should you get all bent out of shape about the neighbor’s deformed baby donkey?”

Nasruddin fumed, “Is it possible not to be upset about such a thing? Just think about this for a minute. Three years from now, the animal will be three years old. It’ll be taken by Hussein to the mountain to haul firewood, and one day the animal will likely get stuck in the mud of a swamp, and he won’t be able to move it. So naturally, Hussein’ll come to me to ask for help, and then since the donkey won’t have ears or a tail, there will be nothing at all to hold on to, to pull him out of the mud. What a horrid predicament we’ll no doubt find ourselves in then!”

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


The hospitality bowl

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

The hospitality bowl

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

Once, Nasruddin was traveling and entered a village that had a reputation for being inhospitable. The Mullah intended to test this stereotype, so he went up to the front door of a modest home and knocked. When the master of the house answered the knock, the Mullah simply requested a drink of water.

A moment later, the man reappeared at the door with a ceramic bowl full of milk. Nasruddin accepted it gratefully and drank it while the man watched, smiling
sheepishly.

After thanking the fellow for his kindness, Nasruddin added, “You know, I’d
heard that people in your town here were all stingy, miserly folk. Yet, I’ve found you to be welcoming and generous. You didn’t just give me water, you gave me milk to drink.”

“Oh, well, normally I wouldn’t have given you the milk,” replied the man, “except that a mouse had fallen in it.”

Mullah, stunned at the betrayal, dropped the bowl.

“Be careful, you fool!” yelled the man. “Don’t break that bowl — it’s the one that my daughter uses to piss in!”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


Four-legged ducks

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Four-legged ducks

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day Mullah Nasruddin was preaching in the mosque, and while he spoke, he became annoyed and then angry because he saw that some members of the congregation were yawning — some of them had even nodded off to sleep.
He paused, then began to talk loudly, “Recently I was taking a stroll down by the river, when I happened to see four-legged ducks drinking coffee.”
When the people heard the phrase “four-legged ducks,” their eyes opened, their ears pricked up, and their jaws dropped. Now they began to listen very carefully to the Mullah.
This made him even angrier, yelling at the congregation, “Why are you here, Muslims‽ The whole time I’m giving a thoughtful and impassioned sermon about some aspect of the Truth, and every single one of you falls asleep. But the moment I pull a whopper of a lie out of my ass, you all awaken and pay rapt attention.”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


A proper bird

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

A proper bird

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day in the market, Mullah Nasruddin came across a vendor selling exotic birds of various sorts, including a stork. Mullah had never seen this sort of bird before. He bought one of these peculiar long-legged, long-beaked birds at the market, and brought him home.

When he returned home, he set the bird down on a table and got out a cage he had which previously held two pigeons. Nasruddin looked at the new bird critically, and realized that it would never fit in its cage. The proportions were all off. “You poor thing,” he sighed, “how did you ever grow into this wretched state‽”

So he took a knife and trimmed the stork’s beak and legs down to what looked like the right length. Then he put the stork in his cage and said, “Well, now not only do you finally fit, at least you look like a proper bird!”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


Cow or donkey?

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Cow or donkey?

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Fatima wanted milk for their children, so she nagged her husband, Mullah Nasruddin, to get a cow so they might have a steady source on hand.

“My dear,” countered Nasruddin, “I would gladly obtain for us a cow, but there is simply no room in the stable for one. It’s just large enough for my little donkey, Karakacan, and I want her to be comfortable.”

The donkey’s comfort, or lack thereof, hardly seemed rationale enough to avoid getting a cow, so Fatima pressed her husband with her request until finally he relented. He threw his leg over Karakacan’s back and rode to market and, after considerable deliberation and bargaining, he chose a healthy-looking bovine and led her home.

Nasruddin was still sure that his donkey would suffer greatly, so he took the time on his way home with the cow to acquaint Allah with his predicament. He knelt on his prayer rug and, after bowing his head, he turned up his hands in appeal to the Almighty.

“Oh Allah,” Mullah prayed, “Thou know that I love my little grey donkey, and that she won’t be at ease with a cow in the same stable. Dear Allah, if it be Thy will, please take the life of my cow, that my beloved little gray donkey, Karakacan, will be at peace.” Having left the matter in God’s hands, Nasruddin returned home, stabled and fed both animals, and went about the rest of his affairs.

The next morning, Mullah scurried out to the stable to see how his donkey managed overnight. To his shock, he found Karakacan had fallen down dead. “Ai vai,” he wailed, heartbroken at the loss of his longtime friend.

Fatima, hearing his cries, ran to the window and called out, “Mullah, what is the matter?”

“It is nothing,” Nasruddin muttered, then added under his breath bitterly, “nothing but my dear little donkey.”

After Fatima closed the window, Nasruddin fell to his knees once again in supplication to God. “Oh Allah, Thou art all-knowing and all-powerful. But can Thou not tell the basic difference between a cow and a donkey‽”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


Hot couture

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Hot couture

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One swelteringly hot day at the chai shop, Mullah and the wags were discussing distant lands. Faik declared, “There are some places where it so hot that the most people go around completely naked.”

Nasruddin asked, “Without clothes, how in the world do they tell the women from the men?”

 

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


Public readings for Extraordinary Adventures

Public readings for Extraordinary Adventures

~

Thursday, October 30, 2014
6:00 – 7:15 pm

Provincetown Public Library

356 Commercial Street
Provincetown, MA 02657

(508) 487-7094

Join us for a night of bawdy folklore and wintering bears, as Ron Suresha presents two books coming out this November.
First is Suresha’s new collection of Turkish folk humor, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, from Lethe Press, the sequel to his 2001 award-winning book of humor, The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin. These authentic, hilarious “Naughty Nasruddin” stories deal with tabu topics such as bisexuality, adultery, incest, bestiality, and violence. Repressed for centuries for moralistic reasons, many are being published in an English trade book for the first time. Come prepared to be amused and astounded.
The author will also read from the new anthology, The Bears of Winter, edited by Jerry L. Wheeler (who lives in Denver and cannot attend), published by the Bear Bones Books of Lethe Press, which Suresha edits. Listen to excerpts from growlingly sexy bearotica that will make your fur thicken.
Following the reading, Suresha will answer questions and sign copies of his books.

More information here:

http://provincetownlibrary.org/calendar/#action=calp_agenda&calp_item_id=316

~

Sunday, November 9th, 2014, 7:00pm

BGSQD

@ LGBT Center

208 West 13th Street, Room 210

New York, NY

Join us for a night of bawdy folklore and wintering bears, as Ron Suresha presents two books coming out this November.
First is Suresha’s new collection of Turkish folk humor, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, from Lethe Press, the sequel to his 2001 award-winning storybook, The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin. These authentic, hilarious “Naughty Nasruddin” stories deal with tabu topics such as bisexuality, adultery, incest, bestiality, and violence. Repressed for centuries for moralistic reasons, many are being published in an English trade book for the first time. Come prepared to be amused and astounded.
The author will also read from the new anthology, The Bear of Winter, edited by Jerry L. Wheeler (who lives in Denver and cannot attend), published by the Bear Bones Books of Lethe Press, which Suresha edits. Listen to excerpts from growlingly sexy bearotica that will make your fur thicken.
Following the reading, Suresha will answer questions and sign copies of his books.

~

Saturday, November 22nd, 2014, 2:00pm – 4:00pm

Bank Street Book Nook

50 Bank St

New Milford, Connecticut

(860) 354-3865

Please join us for a local author reading and book signing as Ron J. Suresha presents his new collection of Turkish folk tales, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, from Lethe Press, the sequel to his 2001 award-winning book of humor, The Uncommon Sense of the Immortal Mullah Nasruddin.

These authentic centuries-old, hilarious folk tales deal with traditional and taboo situations involving the “wise fool” character Nasruddin. Some were suppressed for centuries for moralistic reasons, and many are published here in an English trade book for the first time. Come prepared to be amused and astounded.

Following the reading, Suresha will answer questions and sign copies of his books.
More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/560207697443612

Short-term commitment

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Short-term commitment

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day in the chai shop, Mali asked Nasruddin, “Why is it that you never speak your wife’s name?”

“Because I have no idea what it is,” said the Mullah.

“What‽ How long have you been married?”

“We’ve been married maybe twenty years, give or take a few.”

Jafar asked, “Mullah, you’re married now for two decades and you don’t know your wife’s name‽”

Nasruddin said, “When we were wed, by our parents’ arrangement, I had no intention of making a go at the marriage, so why should I learn her name?”

Mali said, “It’s Fatima, you dolt. You really can’t remember the year you married Fatima, your wife?”

“To tell the truth, I don’t remember exactly when we were wed,” Nasruddin replied. “As should be clear to you by now, it happened long before I had any sense whatsoever.”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

 

 


Ron reads “Nasruddin’s nail” from Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin

XNS coverSquareAuthor Ron Suresha reads the folk tale “Nasruddin’s nail” from his book, Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin

Sowing camel seeds

by rjs
Comments: Comments Off
Published on: September 8, 2014
A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Sowing camel seeds

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day in early spring, while Mullah Nasruddin was ploughing his field, his friends Hamza and Faruk came up to him and asked, “Mullah, what are you planting here?”

“Camel seeds,” he answered. The Mullah then chatted with his friends for a few minutes before they continued on their way.

Late that summer, Nasruddin was walking out to the field when he saw three camels munching on the wheat growing there. He reined them and led the animals back to his stable, then went to the house and told Fatima, “My camel seeds have at last sprouted, seemingly overnight.”

The next day, Musa, the owner of the camels, finally noticed his animals had escaped their pen. Carefully, he followed their tracks to the Mullah’s place. He knocked at the house.

The Mullah answered the door and Musa said, “My camels ran off, and I followed them here. Give them back to me.”

Nasruddin scoffed, “What sort of bullshit is this? Those camels are the crop that I sowed in my own field.”

Musa took Nasruddin to court. When Bekri, the judge, asked the Mullah to speak in his defense, he said, “Your Honor, those animals are the product of camel seeds I planted months ago.”

Bekri asked him, “Do you have any evidence or witnesses?”

“I most certainly do. Let me get them.” Nasruddin left the court and brought Hamza and Faruk back before the judge.

Bekri asked them, “Did you witness the defendant, Nasruddin, planting camel seeds?”

Faruk said, “Yes, it’s true, we saw it. Early in the spring, we stopped by the Mullah’s place and saw him sowing camel seeds in his field.” Hamza confirmed the facts.

There was nothing left for Musa to say, so the judge said, “I rule in favor of Nasruddin. Case dismissed.”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press!

 

 


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