The Prophet’s Traditions
Mullah NasruddinWhen one of young Nasruddin’s brothers died, his mother told him, “Go now and buy a shroud, and some balm!”
However, the boy replied, “I won’t go — send someone else!”
She asked him why he would not go. He said, “I’m afraid I’ll miss the funeral!”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
Penitence
Mullah NasruddinNasruddin was a homely fellow with plain features, although his long scraggly beard did cover up a fair amount of ugliness. Once when he was in the market, a woman walked right up to him and stared at him with a cold, mean expression.
Nasruddin tried to ignore the woman but when after several minutes she had not stopped gawking at him, he confronted her, “What does this mean — that you fix your sight on me with such a severe look on your face?”
The woman answered, “I have committed a great sin with my eyes and wanted to repent, so I vowed that I had to look at something completely disgusting to atone. I’ve been searching for days, and I could not find anything more disgusting to look at than you.”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
Turban is no strap
NSR Nasruddin audiobook cover revOnce Mullah Nasruddin was plowing his field when the well-worn leather strap he used to tie the ox to the yoke broke. There was no way the animal could pull the plow this way, so he unwrapped the turban from his head and used that to hold the yoke, but soon enough that failed as well.
He pointed to his now dirty, mangled turban, and addressed it, saying, “All this time you’ve been so lazy, just sitting atop my head all day long. I’ll bet you never realized how hard the strap works, plowing the field, day after day. Now you get a taste of just how crappy it feels for the strap!”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
The Greater Fool
Mullah NasruddinOnce while Mullah Nasruddin was traveling on donkeyback through Foolland, he passed two local folks trudging along on foot. Nasruddin greeted them, saying simply, “Good morning.”
As the Mullah kept moving on, the first fool stopped and remarked, “I’m wondering . . . why did that fellow speak to me, and not to you?”
The other retorted, “You self-centered moron, it was me he was addressing, not you.”
It hardly took a minute before the two were pushing and shoving each other. They were about to come to blows when one held up his hand and said, “I know — let’s ask him!” So they ran after the Mullah, who was trying to ease out of the skirmish and down the road with his donkey and life intact.
“Wait, Mullah! You must settle our dispute: which one of us were you saying ‘Good morning’ to?”
Nasruddin urged his little grey donkey to keep moving, and he replied to the men, “I said ‘Good morning’ to the greater of the two fools.”
“Well, obviously, that’s me,” declared the first fellow.
“Nonsense, of course he meant me, not you!” asserted the second.
“It’s obvious that I’m greater than you in every way.”
And so the two fools continued swearing and exchanging slaps in the middle of the road, raising a small cloud of dust that became smaller and smaller as Karakacan carried Mullah Nasruddin further away toward home, until he could hear or see them no more.
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
No harm on the outside
Mullah NasruddinOnce the tyrant Tamerlane wanted to test Nasruddin’s nerve and ordered him to stand in front of a wooden target with his arms spread wide open. “You are to stay there absolutely still, while three of my finest archers will each shoot a single arrow at you.”
The first archer stepped up, aimed, and sent the arrow hurtling toward Nasruddin. The arrow hit the wall behind him with a thud just below his left wrist, pinning his shirtsleeve. Nasruddin showed a resolute face, silently reciting verses from the Quran that pertain to survival.
The second soldier walked up, aimed, and shot. The arrow sliced through the air and landed with an even louder thwack just below Nasruddin’s right elbow. Now both his arms were immobilized, but Nasruddin kept composed, fervently praying to Allah.
The third arrow pierced the knot at the top of Nasruddin’s turban with a juddering twang! Tamerlane thought that at first that Nasruddin had fainted, because his eyes were closed and he was motionless. But then the Mullah opened his eyes and laughed.
Tamerlane said, “Nasruddin, you have passed my test! I command your courageousness. Rest assured I will replace your shirt and turban with fine replacements, and reward you later. Congratulations!”
Nasruddin replied in a weak voice, “If it please your Majesty, I beg of you to issue me a set of trousers as well, so that I may have a complete set of new clothes.”
“But your pants were not cut or damaged by an arrow.”
“Quite true,” said Nasruddin, “your archers did my trousers no harm on the outside. However, the inside of my trousers is a completely different situation.”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
The Dog Minister
Mullah NasruddinOne day, when Mullah Nasruddin was walking toward the mosque, he saw a large dog at the door. He shooed away the dog, but instead it ran right up into the pulpit, where it began to bark and howl.
“What an amazing thing,” cried the Mullah. “This stupid creature must have been a former minister here!”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
Final instruction
Mullah NasruddinWhen Mullah Nasruddin had sent his daughter, Hayat, to another village to be married, a group of women came to the house to escort her to her new home.
They were well on their way when they heard the Mullah yelling from behind. He had run all the way to catch up with the procession, and everyone was surprised to see him. He approached his daughter and breathlessly said, “Daughter, I almost forgot to give you my final instruction.”
“Yes, father,” Hayat said, “what is it?”
“Bear in mind that, when you sew, you should always make a knot at the end of the thread before you pass it through the eye of the needle. Don’t ever forget that.”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
An eggplant by any other name
Mullah NasruddinOne day, Hamza brought Mullah Nasruddin a small eggplant, saying, “Mullah, I wonder what this might be. Please tell me.”
He took the eggplant and turned it around and over in his hands, examining the odd purplish thing. After several minutes of this inspection, he said, “Hamza, my friend, I cannot tell you. But let us take it to my son, Ahmet. He will know better than me.”
They took the eggplant to Ahmet and showed it to him. He, too, looked at the thing from every angle before finally declaring, “You ridiculous old farts! What’s so hard about figuring it out? Obviously, this is a baby starling whose eyes have not yet opened.”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
The Prophet’s Traditions
Mullah NasruddinWhen he had reached old age, Mullah Nasruddin was asked if he remembered any of the sayings of the Prophet as being especially meaningful to him. The Mullah replied that he knew a Tradition retold by Akrama, which nobody else had heard. The folks were excited at the prospect of hearing an untold Tradition and pressed Nasruddin to share it with them.
“I have heard it being related,” Nasruddin began, “that Akrama heard it from Ibn Abbas, who heard it from the Prophet Muhammad, who said, ‘There are two personality traits which are not seen in a person until he is a true believer’.”
Everyone leaned forward to listen to Nasruddin relate the Prophet’s words.
Nasruddin sat back and said, “Sad to say, Akrama had forgotten one of the personality traits — and I have forgotten the other.”
Excerpted from
forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press
Silent Dove
Mullah NasruddinOne day, Nasruddin’s student, Imad, asked the Mullah, “The dove that brought the olive branch in its beak to the Prophet Noah — was it male or female?”
The Mullah replied to Imad, “Male, of course. If the bird had been female, she never could have kept her beak closed long enough to bring the branch back to Noah.”
Excerpted from the forthcoming Lethe Press book,
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“The author’s roundup is exhaustive, perhaps one of the most honest of all English collections that have been published as popular Mullah Nasruddin literature.”
Nasreddin Hoca ordered a new shirt from Hussein the tailor, and when it was ready, he went to the tailor’s shop to pick it up.
After Nasreddin paid for the shirt, he decided to shop for some new pants. He chose a nice pair of baggy pants and tried them on, and the two bargained and agreed on a price.
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Young Nasruddin was passing a vineyard and was very thirsty, so he jumped the fence and began to pull down and gobble the luscious grapes. But Bekri, the owner, spotted him and yelled…
The three men bought the mat and the other two bought the blanket.
Nasruddin stretched out in the center of the mat and promptly fell asleep.
Both of Ron J. Suresha’s acclaimed Mullah Nasruddin story collections are now available in hardcover!
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