Big fish, little fish

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

Big fish, little fish

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, young Nasruddin’s mother, Leyla, was cooking and speaking to her husband, Yousef, as the child watched them unseen through a hidden crack in the door.

Leyla said, “Listen, my husband, I have prepared both a large fish and a small fish. We will hide the big fish under the wooden bench and serve the little one on the table to eat.”

Yousef understood. “So, when the boy then has eaten and gone to bed, we will take out the big fish and eat it all ourselves.”

A few minutes later, Yousef called Nasruddin in the other room, “Come on, boy, let’s eat dinner. We have nice small fish to share.”

He entered the room and sat down with his parents. When Leyla put the little fish on the table, Nasruddin grabbed it and held it to his ear.

Yousef shouted, “Hey, put that down, you little stinker! Why are you doing that?”

Nasruddin said, “Sorry father, but I have to ask the little fish for some very important information.”

“And what is this important matter about which you must ask the fish?”

“I want to ask him the name of the big fish.”

“What in the world are you talking about, boy?”

“I mean, the big fish in the Bible that swallowed Jonah,” answered the boy innocently.

Since it was a biblical question, they indulged his silliness. Yousef said, “Ask your query quickly!”

Nasruddin whispered a short question to the little fish, then held it to his ear, listening intently. After a moment, the boy replaced the little fish on the table platter and stared at it, arms crossed, with a petulant frown.

“Since you’ve already shared your question with us,” Leyla said, “why don’t you tell us the answer the fish gave you?”

The boy said, “Well, the fish replied that he himself did not know. But under the wooden bench, he informed me, there is a fish that is bigger, older, and wiser than him, and he said that I should ask his friend that question!”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

The power of chalk

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

In memory of our fallen heroes: those who threw themselves under the chalklines because someone else was making up the rules of play in the insane asylum.

The power of chalk

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

Once, Mullah Nasruddin was chalking a political slogan on the wall of a building in Konya when the corrupt local constable caught him and dragged him into jail. His queer appearance and illogical behavior led to his being certified insane, and so he was transferred to the regional mental asylum.
The asylum, of course, was filled with every sort of depraved and perverted lunatic. As soon as the Mullah entered the courtyard, the inmates crowded around him as if he were carrion and they were buzzards circling, ready to land. He could smell their soiled clothes and rancid breath as they came closer.
Finally, Nasruddin held up his hands to repel the sociopaths and shouted, “Stop, you fiends!” He pulled from his pocket his offensive piece of chalk. “Stand back, or else!” he hissed, brandishing the chalk as if it were a knife. The crazies halted in their spots.
Moving quickly, Nasruddin drew a line across the courtyard dividing the inmates evenly into two groups. Returning to the center he announced, “Pay attention, people! Here are the new rules. Now, does everyone clearly see the chalkline on the ground‽”
The men nodded and grunted their mutual assent.
“Good. So, the first and only rule of the game is this: on my call, all of you must jump under that line. The first man who makes it under, wins this chalk, and gets to make up the next game.” He walked to the periphery of the two teams, saying, “I will say when to begin. Ready, set, go.”
The casualties were severe as both teams went berserk and threw themselves repeatedly at the line and at each other.
Nasruddin was released. Nobody was quite sure whether it was because they could not allow further injuries of the inmates, or because his resourcefulness proved his sanity.

Excerpted from

XNS frcoverLamfinalsealExtraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

now in print from Lethe Press

~

Afraid to miss it

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

 

The Prophet’s Traditions

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

When one of young Nasruddin’s brothers died, his mother told him, “Go now and buy a shroud, and some balm!”

However, the boy replied, “I won’t go — send someone else!”

She asked him why he would not go. He said, “I’m afraid I’ll miss the funeral!”

 

Excerpted from

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin
by Ron J. Suresha

forthcoming November 2014 from Lethe Press

 

 


Middle of the mat

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

Middle of the mat

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Mullah Nasruddin was traveling with two fellows. The two men were friends and said to the Mullah, “We want to buy a mat and a blanket.”

Mullah said to them, “I’ll buy the mat and share it with you, but you must agree that I will only sleep in the middle of the mat. Also, I will not buy the blanket with you.” And he paid the other two for his share of the mat.

They could not obtain the mat without the Mullah’s contribution, so they agreed, thinking they would not share the blanket with Nasruddin. So the three men bought the mat and the other two bought the blanket.

Nasruddin laid himself in the middle of the mat and went to sleep. Now, if the other two wanted to sleep on it, they would have to lie down on either side of him. Then they realized that they could not tear the blanket so that each man could have his own. Thus Nasruddin got to enjoy the blanket without paying for it.

 

Excerpted from the forthcoming Lethe Press book by Ron J. Suresha,

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 

Lucky Pierre, always in the middle.


No translation

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

No translation

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, the Mullah was sent on an important and delicate diplomatic mission to Kurdistan with the ambassador and a translator. Once in Kurdistan, the Kurdish leaders were preparing a feast and, through the interpreter, invited them.

So they put on their finery and went to the dining hall and everything was going well. But in the middle at the formal banquet, just as the Kurdish leader was about to speak, Nasruddin suddenly let out a loud fart.

The head of the embassy was completely embarrassed and said, “You farted, Nasruddin, and have thus brought shame on Turkey!”

Nasruddin only smiled and replied, “But these are all Kurds here! How in the world would they understand a Turkish fart?”

 

Excerpted from the forthcoming Lethe Press book by Ron J. Suresha,

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 

Is there a universal language? The answer is blowin’ in the wind.


One house is plenty

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

One house is plenty

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Nasruddin’s wife Fatima went to listen to the sermon at the mosque. When she came home, Mullah said to her, “Fatima, tell me: what did the preacher say today?”

She replied, “The preacher declared that, ‘Whoever shall perform his marital duty to his wife, he manifests God, the Almighty, in His grace, and makes his home a Paradise!”

When they both went to bed, the Mullah declared, “Come! Let us build ourselves a house filled with God’s grace,” and they coupled.

Shortly afterward, Nasruddin rolled off his wife. Fatima implored him to continue, “Wait, Mullah, you’ve just built a house for you. Hurry up, build me one!”

But Nasruddin replied, “It is easy enough for me to build you a house of your own. But I fear that you will then eventually invite your father and your mother to live there, and then finally, you’ll let all of your relatives into our house, which will make the architect indignant. Please, do not grieve. One house between the two of us is plenty!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming Lethe Press book by Ron J. Suresha,

Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 

 


Mouth wide shut

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

Mouth wide shut

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, during a meeting of the village elders, one of the speakers talked uninterrupted for several hours, not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise. Nasruddin, sitting in the corner listening, was yawning continuously throughout the fellow’s pontifications.

When the fellow finally finished at the close of the meeting, one of Nasruddin’s friends turned to him and said, Well, isn’t that a shame! We did not have the pleasure of hearing our dear Mullah talk tonight. You haven’t opened your mouth once.”

“Are you kidding me?” asked the Mullah. “I was so bored that my jaw is now almost broke from yawning so much.”

 

Excerpted from the forthcoming
Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 


Free haircut

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

Free haircut

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One day, Nasruddin entered a barbershop, followed by a young boy. Nasruddin told the barber that he was in a hurry and wanted to get his haircut first. The barber readily agreed and proceeded to give Nasruddin a fine haircut and beard trim. Nasruddin checked his hair, replaced his turban, told the barber he would be back soon, and left.

The boy hopped into the barber chair, and the barber cut the boy’s hair. After he was done, the boy got out of the chair and started to leave. The barber stopped him and said, “But where is your father? He said he’d be right back, and now he’s late.”

“Father?” said the boy. “That man’s not my father. He’s just some guy I met on the street outside who told me to come in with him for a free haircut!”

 

Excerpted from the forthcoming
Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 

You know what they say about assumptions.

Since most stories depict the Mullah as bald, this story must have taken place before it all fell out. He was a rascal, even then.

Exactly what I would have done

A Mullah Nasruddin / Nasreddin Hoca story

Exactly what I would have done

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

When Nasruddin was newly married, just on the third night, Nasruddin dreamt that he was swimming deep in a vast ocean. It was a happy dream until he woke up to realize that he’d wet the bed.

Of course, he was embarrassed but was unsure quite how to tell his wife, Fatima, snoring fast asleep next to him. So Nasruddin arranged his blanket partly over the damp spot and then lay back down, pretending to be asleep.

After a minute, he bolted upright with a shout, “Arghhh! Dear Allah, save me!”

Fatima awoke and turned her head to look at her husband. “What’s the matter, Nasruddin?”

The trembling and visibly shaken Mullah replied, “Fatima! Wife, you have no idea what sort of horrifying nightmare I’ve just had!”

She asked, “What did you dream?”

“I saw three tall minarets, one set right above the next, and atop the third minaret was an egg, and on that egg was a needle, and on that needle balanced a covered table, and at that table I had to eat my dinner!”

Fatima gasped, “God! How terrifying! What a predicament! My poor husband!”

Nasruddin replied calmly, “You can’t imagine how shocked I was!”

Fatima sympathized, “I can only imagine, dear husband. You must have been frightened beyond belief. Out of sheer fear, I would have soiled the bed, or worse!”

“Indeed,” Nasruddin readily agreed, “that is exactly what I would’ve done myself!”

Excerpted from the forthcoming Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 

It’s terrifying to imagine the heights to which some people will go will to cover their infantile behavior.

Only two sides of the river

A Mullah Nasruddin story

Only two sides of the river

Mullah Nasruddin
Mullah Nasruddin

One sunny afternoon Mullah Nasruddin was sitting quietly on a riverbank near Lake Aksehir when someone approached the river from the opposite side. After looking around a bit, the fellow noticed Nasreddin and shouted out, “Hey there! Excuse me — please tell me, how do I get across?”

Without getting up, Nasruddin shouted back, “You are across!”

 

Excerpted from the forthcoming Extraordinary Adventures of Mullah Nasruddin, by Ron J. Suresha

 

Most times, you’re already right where you need to be, but just don’t recognize it.

 

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